Ode to Amazon’s automated systems

A week or so ago I received a parcel from Amazon.  It was addressed to me, but inside the only thing was an HP inkjet cartridge (I own a Canon printer) and the receipt was someone else's (their name, address, etc., nothing to do with me).  Turns out, Amazon can't cope with this sort of error.

I tried to arrange return, but of course you can only return an item by going to the order and choosing “return” from there.  Since it wasn't my order, I couldn't do that.  I finally found a “call me back” link, and they duly called me (immediately/automatically) back and I explained the situation to the support guy.  He said he'd send me a return link, and investigate.

Then it went downhill.

Further to our telephone conversation, regarding order #xxx  item: "HP 301 Combo Pack Cartridges -Black/Tri Colour".

As discussed, this order was meant for another Customer, I have now generated a return authorization so you can return this item to Amazon.

Please click on the following link to be brought to your personalised return label and follow the instructions provided:

But oops.  I replied:

This link does not work;  it says:

Important Message
The account you're logged in from wasn’t the account used to request this return. Please sign-in with the account you used to initiate the return.

They said:

I'm sorry to hear that are having difficulty in printing a return label.

Please note that, the order #xxx was placed from a different account, therefore you are unable to print a label.

In this situation we request you to sign in from the account from which you have placed the order.

So I replied:

Yes, I told *you* this in the email.  I also told you that the return is NOT FOR MY ACCOUNT.  I have got NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORDER.  It was SOMEONE ELSE'S ORDER that you sent to me for some reason (their receipt, their order, my address on the outside of the package).

ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS GET THIS THING BACK TO YOU.

Seriously, if you don't want it, it's going in the bin.  I've already gone more out of my way to sort this out than I feel it's worth.

I understand that you want to return your item.

The e-mail address from which you've written "xxx" is different from the one we have associated with the order number you gave.

I am replying with the information you requested to the e-mail address associated with your Amazon.co.uk account.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, READ THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH AND UNDERSTAND IT BEFORE REPLYING THIS TIME!

I received a package from you.  It is not mine.  I did not order it.  It is nothing to do with any account in my name.  It belongs to someone else.  The package was addressed to me, but contained nothing *for* me.  The receipt inside was for someone else:  their order, their home address.  I am trying to return it to you.

I CANNOT log in as this other person to print out a return label.  I have nothing to do with them or their account.  I do not know them.  I KNOW my email address is in no way associated with the order.

Now, take a breath, read the above AGAIN, think about what you're going to say, and THEN tell me how to proceed.

I am sorry to learn that previous agent wasn't able to help you regarding the parcel received.

I have now read your previous email and you mentioned in it that "you received a parcel that do not belongs to you".

I would once again apologise that my colleague wasn't able to help you.

However, please check the address on the package. If the address is yours, the package may be a gift. The packing slip inside the box may contain the giver's billing address. Otherwise, I'm so sorry for this delivery mix-up and appreciate that you took the time to write to us. You weren't charged for anything you didn't order.

Ah, now we're getting there!  And so I returned the parcel.

But:

We are writing to confirm that we are processing your refund in the amount of £xxx for your Order xxx.

Your refund is being credited as follows:

Gift Card: £xxx

So. I give up. Albeit with an Amazon gift code.

 


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About fnx

PSN: the_phoenix
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